Friday, May 29, 2009

Anxiety and Stress

Everything exploded for me today. Well really last night. Sometime during the night I started having an anxiety attack. It wasnt about anything in particular. I dont know what triggered it. My best guess is stress. Selling the house, work, various extra curricular activities, being a wife, a mom, a teacher to my own kids. I have no down time except for the once a month meetings with my book club and let me tell you 2 hours a month is just not cutting it. I also think I might still be having a bit of PTS from my cousins death. I dont feel emotional over it but I have been having alot and I mean ALOT of dreams about her. They range from seeing her portrayed as a baby who cant breathe to a living version of her after death. I know weird but I can only assume its my mind still trying to comprehend and cope with it all. Today though I am seriously considering seeing a doctor. I didnt used to get them that often but they seem to be getting more frequent and more intense. My friend thinks I am doing too much. Maybe I am. At this point I am almost willing to consider dropping something. I dont feel like I have that much going on until I sit down and think about it. I like to be busy but I dont know how much longer this is going to last.

Good thing is that my DH has started offering to take Brianna to gymnastics and Julie is talking about renting a place here in Forney for dance so I wont have to drive far. I still have time to back out of Girl Scouts since I havent officially started anything. And we are taking the next few weeks off of school to give me some time to recover.

I looked up the symptoms to anxiety attacks and I could have written word for word how it says you feel. I never think people understand when I tell them I feel like I am walking around in a dream but that was on the symptoms list! As school was letting out today I was standing there and everything was so weird. All I could hear was this crowd of voices but I couldnt focus on any of them. I know I sound crazy. There was only one symptom on the list that I didnt feel-trouble breathing, but I replace it with uncontrollable crying.

Surge of overwhelming panic
Feeling of losing control or going crazy
Heart palpitations or chest pain
Feeling like you’re going to pass out
Hot flashes or chills
Trembling or shaking
Nausea or stomach cramps
Feeling detached or unreal

Well there you go I have poured out my emotions for the day LOL

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Ballet Recital

My two beautiful little girls had their first ballet recital the other night. It was too dang cute! It almost bothers me how grown up they are looking. Especially my Brianna. She has just changed so much over the last few months and has become quite a little personality! I am blessed beyond words.

Ok my blog wont upload pictures so will do that when DH gets home!

Monday, May 18, 2009

Worst Blogger Ever?

Am I like the worst blogger or what? Things have just been so busy here that I haven't had the energy to write it all down.

We are currently at the end of negotiations with a buyer for our house. We have gone back and forth so many times on if we were just fed up or if we really wanted the new house enough to bother with all the legalities, but we seem to have settled on an offer that is acceptable. Just waiting for the buyers to sign the papers and be done with it! We are looking at a closing date of Aug 28th on the new house so we are renting back this house from the buyers. It will keep us from having to move twice. Cant tell how ready I am just to get on with it, no matter what the answer is.

I will update again after I know what they say.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Why Lie?

This is driving me nuts. Why do people tell lies like this?

Facebook has put me in touch with several old friends from school. Some are even just around the corner from me! Others have family here in Forney. Some of these were girls that I hung out with on a daily basis. So, you contact me and tell me how great it would be to get together and talk again, and then when I get back to you about it saying yes how great that would be, I never hear from you again. If it was just once or twice that this had happened I would say, sure life gets in the way, but hey, I have 3 kids, a house, a job, I homeschool. We have gymnastics, girl scouts and many other activities. I know what a busy life looks like and if I didn't want to make the time to meet you I would have said so. Can't you afford the same courtesy? Instead of making that offer hoping I will say that I can't, just dont bring it up! I have lived 10+ years without seeing you I think I will make it if we can't meet up now.